These feelings can be related to many things: our upbringing, our environment, and, you know, all the money messages in the world and in the media.
But honing those feelings and creating your own strong, secure financial voice? It takes some expertise.
Her book delves into each of these topics, but Aliche says the process begins with understanding your own financial identity and the many feelings and environmental forces that shape it. “For me, money is more important than dollars and cents,” she says.
Aliche says we can all be good with money – we just need to be good with our feelings first. Read on for tips on understanding your emotions about money and learning to empower your financial discourse. This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
Andee Tagle: You talk about how you used to live in a state of financial fear and you say that financial integrity is the cure for financial fear or financial trauma. I like that idea. How would you define that term?
Tiffany Aliche: I define financial integrity as when all aspects of your financial life, the ten areas that we really focus on – when all of those aspects of your financial life are working in unison, I like to call it your greatest good, your greatest good and your richest life. I would say financial freedom is for a select few, but financial wholeness is for everyone. It doesn’t matter how much you make. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. It doesn’t matter how old you are. Everyone can achieve financial integrity. So this is just a holistic view of what to do with my money and how to maximize and make the most of it.
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I want to talk about the emotion behind money. I like what you said about being aware of the impact of habits and financial voices in our lives that may affect us. For example, I know in my own life I immediately think of my father always being super, super frugal. You know, everywhere we went, he asked for discounts. It was a very valuable skill, but as a kid, I just remember feeling embarrassed at the time. So now as an adult, I have zero bargaining power, and you know, I’m probably worse off for it. How do we break these habits?
So one of the things that I illustrate in the book is to acknowledge that you see that habit. So that’s the first thing. You can’t break what you don’t acknowledge and see: What is the habit that I see in myself? And then, number two, explore where it’s coming from. So again, thank you, Andee, for acknowledging, ‘Well, it’s Dad’s,’ you know. And third, practice in a safe environment.
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So what I’m going to tell you is, don’t worry about financial bargains for a while. You know, if you don’t bargain financially, you might be reluctant to ask the waiter for extra cheese–
Oh, one hundred percent. I’ll never be able to send back a sandwich.
Okay, that’s just one small step. So it’s like, send back something, or maybe just ask for something extra, like, “Oh, can I get that too,” because what you want to do is you want to practice advocating for yourself. Because if you can’t advocate for yourself in a tiny way, it’s hard to get into financial applications.
That’s good advice. I want to talk about conscious spending. Can you break down the different priorities that people should be thinking about for us?
Absolutely. It’s: Do I need it? Do I like it? Do I like it? Do I want it? We already know the needs: food, shelter, clothing, water. Things that you must have to maintain your health and safety. Second, is your love. Six months to a year from now, love will continue to bring you joy. Like will bring you temporary pleasure that you may not remember in less than six months. The need is fleeting.
So what I want people to do is to understand the first half of the equation, your needs and your love. So you need to take care of your health and safety and the love that brings you lasting joy and spend less money on likes and wants – not no money, but the more money you spend on likes and wants, the less money you have to meet your needs and wants love.
You tell this great story in your book, and it’s about refusing to have brunch with your girlfriend for a very specific reason. Can you share that story with us?
Yeah, so my friend would go to brunch every Sunday for maybe $30 to $50 each time. One day I realized I wanted to go on vacation, but I didn’t have the money.
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Then when [my friend called] and said, ‘Hey girl, do you want to go to brunch? I thought to myself, this is where my money goes! I realized that brunch is not a love for me because I don’t even remember what we ate last week. I spent my money on her love.
Now, it’s not her fault, because she’s doing what she’s supposed to do, spend her money on her love. But she was also convincing me to do so. So I stopped, and I almost turned it into a drinking game. Every time someone said “brunch,” I would put money in my savings account.
Then, when I’d had enough, I used it to start my first solo trip. I wanted to go to Albuquerque because it is the hot air balloon capital of the world and I had never been in a hot air balloon before. So now I know I’m not saying no to brunch, I’m saying yes to Morocco. I’m not saying no to brunch, I’m saying yes to India. I’m saying yes to Monaco. So I always encourage people to do the same. I want you to live a richer, happier life with the money you have. I want you to make sure you’re not spending it on someone else’s idea of love.
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So, Tiffany, you come from a family that talks about money all the time. But what about those for whom that’s not the case? How can we talk about money easily?
You’re right. I don’t think people in general have these conversations at home. So how do you do that naturally? You have to find a safe environment to do that. It could be just a group of your girlfriends and you say, like, ‘I want you to be my accountability partner, and I just want to talk to you about money. If you don’t know anyone in your own real life, then you can turn to digital and virtual people for help.
